Its day 18 on my journey so far. This Blog seems to have squeezed in front of the other unfinished Blogs I've been working on (The journey so far/John of God) and a powerful Podcast to release very soon on the subject of Cannabis oil (Just waiting on the right timing).
I've just arrived back to my Pousada (Hotel/homestay) in Abadiania, Brazil after a morning having coffee, looking at a possible new accomodation and then hanging out at the Casa De Dom Inacio.
My friend Celine (In the picture with John of God) pulled me aside at the Casa after she noticed something had changed with me. Thankfully she helped me out of it by showing me what I was doing. An old Block of mine had surfaced this morning - Big time! I felt my insides tighten up, my chest became tense and this stress/anxious feeling was rising. I knew it was in response to my uncertainty of what my next destination would be, when that would be and how I could afford the entirety of my trip. It's not the first time this feeling has come up and I didn't know how to shake it.
I still don't know where money will come from. Will I stay longer without working? Or stay and help people as a healer/practitioner? (several people have asked me for help already). Should I leave to another location and go in search of work?
The great news is, I am finally feeling more balanced, strong and clear again so I can work on clients. What happens when you come to Abadiania to see John of God, is that you can feel extremely tired, hungry, thirsty and all sorts of other sensations that aren't the "norm" back home. This is because the energy is so strong and healing on a huge scale takes place. By being here - people change, people become more whole, people become lighter and I have experienced first hand that your heart opens. I have felt love stronger than ever before. Love for others, love for animals, love for all. Now that is a profound thing for me to say. In fact I've never said that before, this is new and I LOVE it.
So going back to today's feeling. All I was thinking was - if I were to stay and keep spending without any income, I would run out of money in 4-6 weeks. Therefore, I must cut back on my spending, do less, give less, choose wisely, be smart, be cautious...
Yuck. Feeling like that is horrible. It's a powerless state to get into. You can't do what you want, can't go where you want, can't buy what you want etc. Its another form of putting handcuffs on your wrists and denying yourself of LIFE that's sitting in front of you. Not to mention the law of attraction, I'm sure things just get worse when your like that.
What I've just realised as I write this is - I HAVE HAD THIS MY WHOLE LIFE. To some extent anyway. I can see aspects of this powerlessness in so much of society, in others, in my family and in myself. Wow...
My friend Celine (Who happens to be a highly intuitive person with the ability to channel) pulled me aside and asked me what happened to me? I knew the way I was feeling inside but was confused as to why exactly and how to get rid of it. So I said "I don't know, but I'm feeling stressed." She said yeah I see that, come over and lets meditate for awhile in the Casa meditation garden. Afterwards she said, (carefully so she didn't offend me in any way) "Do you have a Block with the subject of money?." I said Yes. Then she replied "Ok, that is the message I received for you this morning, that you must clear this block with money for you to be able to work around the world on your journey. It is linked to your power, so when you feel like this, it prevents you from being able to do ANYTHING properly." I agreed that this had been the case from my previous experiences and how I was currently feeling. When I feel like this - I feel like I can't give anything and can't concentrate. Its like going into survival mode and I might as well go home and not work when I'm like this.
I asked Celine, "What do I need to do to overcome this feeling?" She replied, "GIVE more. You must GIVE without the expectation of something in return. Give without the feeling of lack. Give from the Heart. When you feel hungry you must feed others before you feed yourself. Give as you want to give. Be yourself. Be Love. Feel love. The true you is love. LOVE is the KEY." She then said, "The entities of the Casa invite you to work with them, they want you to do your work. You will be supported by them. They said you will always have enough! So you must overcome this block. Give without the feeling of lacking, give from the heart and everything will be fine." Immediately I began to feel lighter again. I was feeling a shift happening within. A recognition that this was the right way for me and that I had so much to give and I had been holding back because of this.
As we walked back to the Pousada there was an old lady begging for money on the side of the road. Many of these old woman sit on the side of the road in the searing hot sun all day, begging for money and so far I had not given anything (I want to give them money but I wonder if it will make the problem worse if I do), however, today I decided I would give a small amount to her so I gave her R$ 2. Which felt right. As I walked off a feeling inside said - "you should give her 5 more." I turned around walked back and gave her 5 more. It felt great. I felt great!
What a turn around. Isn't that an interesting concept? If you feel like you are lacking, then Give more. I heard this many times before but never really LIVED it. Its still early days but I'll be giving more and focusing on helping others from the heart. Just thinking about that makes me feel lighter, so it must be the right move :)
What a trip so far. So many learnings. So many synchronicities. So many soul mates met. And its only been 2 and a half weeks. What lies around the next corner? I'll let you know in time!
If you got something out of this feel free to give it a share! :)
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